Here’s an Idea: Ice Dispenser Edition
Posted by Andrew | Filed under Here's an Idea
Look at it, it’s utterly stupid. The freaking “medium” size soda cup they give you at my local Burger King doesn’t even fit under the Ice Dispenser. What is this? The 1950’s? You guys think 12 ounces of soda is enough? Why don’t you give the consumers an Ice Dispenser that caters to our new and improved 32 once “medium” sized drinks.
I don’t usually order the “medium” size because I’d prefer not to gain 10 pounds in an afternoon, but I had skipped breakfast and I was starving. I didn’t even want to go to Burger King, but there wasn’t any proper food establishments in the area. Never going to do that again, I had to throw half of the fries away, and I only drank half of the freaking drink. Seriously, who finds it necessary to drink a bucket of sugary soda with their greasy burger and trans-fat laiden fries?
By the way, I put “medium” in quotes, because in Europe, that wouldn’t be called a “medium.” It would be called “here piggy piggy, here piggy piggy.” It’s no wonder the major health crisis in America is obesity, especially when we have people in this country a smoke eight packs a day and drink a brewery a night.
Oh, and Burger King should make the darn cups fit in the darn Ice Dispenser. That’s the idea I wanted to share.
Why Straight Edge is Not Cool
Posted by Andrew | Filed under Pop Culture
It used to be that sex, drugs, and rock and roll was the holy trinity of any teenager’s life. Those were the days, weren’t they? Now, there is a group of teenagers roaming the halls of high schools across the United States who are rebelling against the norm. They refer to themselves as “straight edge,” and from henceforth, I shall refer to them as “douche bags.” They have dedicated themselves to never consuming alcohol, or doing drugs, or having sex before they are married. They come in various shapes and sizes, mostly either fat and round or skinny like a rail.
One group of them usually dresses in a fashion referred to as “goth.” The men of these groups grow their hair long and paint their fingernails black while the women die their hair black or pink and are always showing cleavage, no matter how unattractive they are. By the way, they all have either read, are reading, or are planning to read the “Twilight” saga.
Another subgroup includes people who allow their negative emotions to govern their every move. These “emos” are often seen crying in public places, probably over the fact that their hair is blocking most of their face. They also can be spotted easily on Facebook because there news feed usually is “In a Relationship, Single, In a Relationship, Single, It’s complicated, Emo kid is gonna cry :’(,” absolutely pathetic. By the way, these people have also read, are reading, or are going to read the “Twilight” saga.
The fact of the matter is, these people are abstaining from this risky behavior because it’s better for their health, they do it so that they can brag about it. They claim they are straight edge so that they have a sense of validation for themselves. It’s a “holier than thou” kind of attitude. Let’s face it, most of these douche bags are too afraid they’ll overdose, can’t get their older siblings to buy them beer, and no self respecting girl would ever sleep with them.
And if a girl ever agreed to sleep with one of them, it would include wearing fake vampire fangs and the girl would scream “Edward” repeatedly through the whole three minutes.
BYU Idaho: Hold On, It Gets Better
Posted by Andrew | Filed under Education
If you read this blog, than I most likely like you. And if you agree with what I say in my postings here, than you are clearly a very intelligent individual. I decided I didn’t hand it to BYU Idaho enough on our last outing, so I’m going to tear them down some more. We focused mostly on their “Vision Statement” last time, let’s keep reading from the BYU Idaho Learning Model, shall we?
Principle One: Learners and teachers at BYU–Idaho exercise faith in the Lord Jesus Christ as a principle of action and power.
The whole premise if you don’t get it is that basically people who have faith in Jesus Christ are able to learn on a deeper level. And people who don’t have faith are stupid, that is what they are saying. This is called discrimination. How will having faith help me achieve employment later in life? If you go to engineering school, you can’t just have faith that the machine you designed is going to work, it has to work. If you go into Communications like me, you can’t have faith that the camera is recording, it has to record. Faith doesn’t get you anywhere in the modern world. Does the Church itself hire accountants who just have faith the numbers will add up? Puh-lease.
Principle Two: Learners and teachers at BYU–Idaho understand that true teaching is done by and with the Holy Ghost.
True teaching is done by and with the Holy Ghost? Yeah, if you are wearing a suit and a black badge and getting doors slammed in your face all day. The last time I checked, the Holy Ghost wasn’t giving me advice on what the Pythagorean theorem is and how to use it. This is a concept that should only apply when learning the Gospel, the teachings of the Church. Not when you are preparing yourself for a career and hopefully, financial independence.
Principle Three: Learners and teachers at BYU–Idaho lay hold upon the word of God—as found in the holy scriptures and in the words of the prophets—in all disciplines.
Yes, because Isaiah had a lot to say about the theories of politics and economics held by Karl Marx, founder of Communism. Oh, and have you ever read Paul’s essay about the India’s movement for Independence from the British Empire? Once again, this principle should only apply in a class where you are learning about the Gospel.
The are two more principles included in the Learning Model. If you read them, they only support the first three that I touched on in this post. How will potential employers take a degree from this school seriously if this is the attitude about education that they are sharing publicly? Members of the Church should be concerned about this, especially those who are sending there sons and daughters there. Schools need to focus on academics, not religion or lifestyle.
Bad Ads: SoBe Life Water
Posted by Andrew | Filed under Bad Ads
SoBe, the most pretentious subsidiary of PepsiCo, has recently been running an ad for their new 0 Cal Life Water line of drinks. The premise of the entire ad is this: Gay bearded “were-lizards” enjoy our flavored water, which happens to have no calories!
Seriously, when I first saw this ad, my gaydar started ringing like a fire engine. Some guy with a trimmed beard, wearing a white muscle shirt and what appears to be white capris that show off his “man features.” It screams winning float at the pride parade. To top it off, the guy turns into a lizard after drinking the product that they are advertising. What the heck is that all about? Try our water, it will turn you into a lizard?
The topper to all of this, that I only just found out, is that the man attempting dancing in this commercial, is a guy named Matt Light, offensive lineman of the New England Patriots. Wow, if I were Tom Brady, I would watch myself in the locker room around this guy. He may try to give you a makeover or something.
And the dancing, if you pay attention, is awful. You of course would only notice it if you did pay close attention because they distract you with dancing 3D reptiles all through the background. My favorite part is the bit with the lizards on treadmills, because they are watching their figure I guess. Oh, and the one with the little guitar is classic. Seriously though, when is Geico going to sue these people for copyright infringement?
As per usual, I’ve posted the commercial below. And if that wasn’t enough, here is the Super Bowl ad they ran this year. It’s enough to make me consider investing heavily in Coca-Cola, that’s for sure.
Can Newspapers Survive?
Posted by Andrew | Filed under New Media
Newspapers across the country are feeling crunched. The price of ink and paper has gone up, so has the cost of delivery, and they aren’t being helped by the decrease of subscribers. Not to mention that Craigslist is eating all of their revenues from Classified ads, and local businesses are spending more advertising dollars online, in television, and on the radio.
We’re hearing news about the San Francisco Chronicle losing $1 million a week, and it’s sister paper, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, has gone online only, ceasing it’s print edition. The Rocky Mountain News in Denver has disappeared entirely.
We already know that in this age of television and the internet, that the days of the newspapers were numbered. Back during the Nixon administration, they had to develop “Joint Operating Agreements,” so that newspapers in markets with multiple dailies could survive. The trouble all started as far back as the 60s.
My family recently cancelled our subscription to the local paper. It’s not because we get our news from the internet or the TV, it’s because the newspaper sucked. It would constantly have misspellings and bad grammar, and it never had any real news. One morning, the entire front page was dedicated to a cat that had been stolen by some middle schoolers. This was, keep in mind, while their was a war in Iraq, Afghanistan, our financial system was crumbling, and the 2008 U.S. Presidential election was still in full swing.
Can newspapers survive if they are going online only? The Seattle P.I. has a good following, and is well respected by people. But the dinky little local in my neck of the woods, can they survive? With the kind of stories they are printing, probably not.
Another question I’m wondering about is, are people attached to the physical paper that is delivered to their tube every day? Is there a fundamental problem with reading your news online? I mean, when you read your news online, you can sort through all the stories, only read the stuff you’re interested in, and you can get news from multiple sources around the world.
My dad reads our local paper, the Boston Globe, the Seattle Times, and the Deseret News during his lunch break at work (We live in Maine, we used to live in Seattle, and before that, Utah). Do we really need to waste all those trees and print our news on paper every day?
Bad Ads: Suzuki SX4 vs. the Mini
Posted by Andrew | Filed under Bad Ads
Let’s be honest, 99% of advertising, whether it’s on the TV, on Radio, in Print, or online, sucks. I’ve decided that something needs to be done about it, which is why I’m going to start pointing out these bad ads and why they’re bad.
Suzuki isn’t by any means, a big car company. I don’t even think most people are aware that Suzuki makes cars. They’re more well known for their motorcycles and ATVs. Well, Suzuki is trying to get their car sales up in the down market, because all of their cars are cheap for the same reason Daewoos we’re cheap, right up until GM bought them. They must be crap.
But, no matter, Suzuki will get there car sales up with a clever advertising strategy. Good plan. Except, they completely missed the target with an ad they’ve been running comparing their SX4 Crossover to a Mini Cooper. They say the SX4 has more power than the Mini, a whole 25 more horsepower. Wow, that’s…more.
They also mention that the Suzuki has America’s best warranty. Wait, I thought that Hyundai had America’s best warranty…they said so in their ad! And what about Toyota’s extended 15 year warranty? Isn’t that also pretty good? Please, no one sold anything saying they had the second best anything. Oh! but it does come with a Navigation system as standard! Yeah, that’s exactly what I want, a car that tells me how to drive. Those built-in navigation systems are always horrible, you’re always much better off getting a TomTom or a Garmin Nuvi.
And since when did the kind of people who are looking at a Mini for their next car would be interested in a Suzuki? That’s like a Super Market going up to somebody looking at Bananas and telling them why Oranges are better. The Mini is about looks and style. It’s like the VW New Beetle or the Jeep Wrangler, it’s about taste. No one who is looking to buy a Mini would look at this ad and change their mind.
And for that matter, why does Subway go after McDonald’s in there ads? You can’t buy a cheeseburger at Subway!
Here’s the Suzuki SX4 Croosover TV spot if you haven’t already seen it:
The War on Tourism: My TSA Horror Story: Part 2
Posted by Andrew | Filed under War on Tourism
If you are new here, be sure to read Part 1 of my TSA horror story, and please comment if you like the story!
So, I’ve come to that pinnacle point where I have removed my jacket, my belt, and got my laptop out of my bag and into one of their trays. Luckily, I didn’t have any liquids, I’ll gladly pay $10 for a Diet Coke from the Hudson News on the other side of the security perimeter, not to deal with the needless requirements for bringing liquids through.
Now, when I took my laptop (which is a 15″ MacBook Pro), I put the sleeve that I carry it it down in the tray, and put the laptop on top of it. Let’s face it, those trays are dirty and gross, people put there shoes in them for crying out loud. And my laptop is all nice and shiny, I don’t want it to get scratched or dirty. Well, apparently, its against TSA regulation to have anything else in the tray with your laptop.
Which is why the butch lady, who was the size of a small van, approached me and asked if it was my laptop. I responded with an uninterested “yes.” Upon confirmation that I was the horrid offender of the rules which are not clearly defined or posted, she proceeded to yank the sleeve out from under the laptop. I watched in horror as my laptop, which I payed $2300 for, crashed down and rattled about in the bottom of the tray.
Oh, but the total lack of respect of my personal property did not end there. In the course of doing eight different things at the same time, I naturally forgot to remove my cell phone from my pocket, which means the metal detector went off. I handed my cell phone to the TSA guy who was guiding people through the metal detector. He casually dropped the thing into a tray from a height of about a foot and I watched as the back busted open and the battery fell out. Thank goodness it was only a RAZR and not something that I would actually care about.
But the worst part of any airport security process is right after you get through the metal detector. First, you have to gather your bag and other possessions, which have been left out on a conveyer belt thing for anyone to go through (Hey look! An iPod!). This includes putting your belt and your jacket, and your shoes back on. But, of course, they don’t provide a place for you to sit down and gather yourself.
The worst part was, they sent butch lady to yell at me for taking my time in gathering my stuff.
BYU Idaho: Not Worth It
Posted by Andrew | Filed under Education
I’ve spent the last many weeks looking at colleges to transfer to next Fall seeing as staying here in Maine is driving me crazy and I feel that SMCC really has given me all that it can. Being a member of the Mormon church, naturally some of the options I can look at are BYU in Provo, Utah, BYU Idaho in Rexburg, and BYU Hawaii in Laie. And I did look at all of them, I’ve been to all of there campuses, and they all at face value seem like good schools.
But, then I did some digging. Unfortunately, my top choice for top reasons was BYU Hawaii, but unfortunately, they don’t have a Film or a Communications program, which leaves Provo and Idaho. Provo is a top school, well respected as evidenced by this page on their web site bragging about how well respected they are. Idaho, however, is not well respected, no one even knows where it is except for the 14,000 people who attend there.
And for good reason, you see, they may have the name “Brigham Young University” in their title, but they are no where near the BYU in Provo. In fact, up until 2001, it was called Ricks College and they were just a small and simple junior college. Now, they are bigger and better, building more buildings and offering more programs. All in the effort to become a “Good Mormon Factory.” Read their “Vision Statement” and tell me I’m not wrong:
At BYU–Idaho we foster faith-building and life-changing learning. Our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, the gifts of the Holy Ghost, our commitment to the restored gospel, and our effort to build a Zion learning community motivate us to learn and teach by study and by faith. From the BYU Idaho Learning Model
That doesn’t sound like a University, it sounds like a cult. Build a Zion learning community? What the heck does that even mean? I think that the case for Idaho is lost right there in the first sentence of this “Vision Statement” when they put “faith-building” ahead of “life-changing learning.” I don’t go to a school to build faith, I go to a school to learn and to grow. I go to church to build faith. Which is why I applied to BYU in Provo. Because, unlike Idaho, they are more focused on learning as evidenced by this on their web site:
Brigham Young University seeks to develop students of faith, intellect and character who have the skills and the desire to continue learning and to serve others throughout their lives.
No rubbish about building faith or learning in the Gospel of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. They do, however, go on to say that “the university provides an outstanding education in an atmosphere consistent with the ideals and principles of its sponsor, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.” Sounds perfectly reasonable, especially when you compare it to the Mission Statement of Notre Dame, a Catholic University:
This statement speaks of the University of Notre Dame as a place of teaching and research, of scholarship and publication, of service and community. These components flow from three characteristics of Roman Catholicism that image Jesus Christ, his Gospel, and his Spirit. From the section “Context”
Now, I should just say that I’m not talking about religion here, I’m talking about Education. I should also say that I’m not trying to bash my church, I’m just trying to bash BYU Idaho. But, honestly, they deserve it. How could anyone take a degree from BYU Idaho seriously if that is what their vision is?
The War on Tourism: My TSA Horror Story, Part 1
Posted by Andrew | Filed under War on Tourism
The War on Tourism is real. Despite the best efforts of the United States government, there are still people who wish to travel to destinations domestic and foreign. Here, I cover the valiant efforts of the Transportation Security Agency and Border Patrol in there battle against this foe.
Last May, I flew from Boston’s Logan International Airport to Brussels, Belgium to visit my grandparents for two weeks. Let me just say that I love to fly, I love to travel in general. But, I absolutely hate dealing with security at the airport. This is the way I see things. There’s humans, and then there’s chimps and other monkeys, and then there are TSA personnel right after dogs with rabies.
So, I always have low expectations when I’m going into security at the airport. But, this experience was just unacceptable. It all starts when you give the first guy your ID (in this case, my U.S. Passport) and your boarding pass. It always takes them 4 tries to match the picture to your face, something that a 3 month old child could do flawlessly. And why do they scribble on my boarding pass? Is there a reason for that besides the fact that for some reason someone gave them a pen and they are just making sure that it still works?
Then you get to the part where you have to take your shoes and your belt off, and take all of the metal, like your keys and the change your carrying, out of your pocket. Oh, and don’t forget to take your cell phone or any other electronics in your pockets out too. Make sure that you get your laptop out of your bag and into a tray, and all of the liquids you are carrying into a small plastic baggie in precise measurements. Did I mention you have to do all of this at once? So, you better grow a couple of extra arms before you fly.
What makes this process worse is the butch lady with the badge yelling at everyone to hurry up. It’s done in a fashion that makes it seem like the metal detector should say “Work will set you free” over it. Is it just me, or does that eagle on the Department of Homeland Security seal look awfully German?
Adam Curry once said that the best response to a TSA…person, I guess…yelling at you is to yell back at them. Is it just me, or does that sound like the worst idea in the world? I’m pretty sure if you were to yell at them, you would miss your flight. Little did I know that overpowered government officials yelling at me would be the least of my problems.
More of this story to come…
Why am I on the phone with P. Diddy?
Posted by Andrew | Filed under Technology
This is a note to the select few of you out there who have decided that it is necessary to pay their cell phone provider $1.50 a month just so that all of your friends can hear the latest Panic at the Disco single when they try to call you: You are all idiots.
First of all, the audio quality over a cellular phone line is terrible. I can’t tell whether I’m listening to ABBA’s “Dancing Queen,” or “Smack That” by Akon. And no offense to you, but your taste in music is awful. If I have to listen to “500 Miles” by the Proclaimers every time I call you, eventually, I’m going to stop calling you.
And does the cell phone company really need another $1.50 every month? At what point after paying $40 for a voice plan, $25 for a data plan, and $15 for unlimited texting and picture/video messaging, did another $1.50 sound like a necessary expenditure? Can you even do math? That’s $18 a year! For nothing! It doesn’t even cost the cell phone company a penny to implement!
So, you all do me a huge favor. Call your cellular provider and cancel that thing, “CallerTunes” or whatever it’s called. Everyone else will thank you.