Why Straight Edge is Not Cool
Posted by Andrew | Filed under Pop Culture
It used to be that sex, drugs, and rock and roll was the holy trinity of any teenager’s life. Those were the days, weren’t they? Now, there is a group of teenagers roaming the halls of high schools across the United States who are rebelling against the norm. They refer to themselves as “straight edge,” and from henceforth, I shall refer to them as “douche bags.” They have dedicated themselves to never consuming alcohol, or doing drugs, or having sex before they are married. They come in various shapes and sizes, mostly either fat and round or skinny like a rail.
One group of them usually dresses in a fashion referred to as “goth.” The men of these groups grow their hair long and paint their fingernails black while the women die their hair black or pink and are always showing cleavage, no matter how unattractive they are. By the way, they all have either read, are reading, or are planning to read the “Twilight” saga.
Another subgroup includes people who allow their negative emotions to govern their every move. These “emos” are often seen crying in public places, probably over the fact that their hair is blocking most of their face. They also can be spotted easily on Facebook because there news feed usually is “In a Relationship, Single, In a Relationship, Single, It’s complicated, Emo kid is gonna cry :’(,” absolutely pathetic. By the way, these people have also read, are reading, or are going to read the “Twilight” saga.
The fact of the matter is, these people are abstaining from this risky behavior because it’s better for their health, they do it so that they can brag about it. They claim they are straight edge so that they have a sense of validation for themselves. It’s a “holier than thou” kind of attitude. Let’s face it, most of these douche bags are too afraid they’ll overdose, can’t get their older siblings to buy them beer, and no self respecting girl would ever sleep with them.
And if a girl ever agreed to sleep with one of them, it would include wearing fake vampire fangs and the girl would scream “Edward” repeatedly through the whole three minutes.
