Transformers 2: The Perfect Movie
Posted by Andrew | Filed under Mainstream Media
…that is, if you are an idiot. Yes, if you hate writing, editing, dialog, continuity and can not get enough of explosions, things crashing into buildings, car chases, and things flying through the air going zoooom, Michael Bay is here to serve you. Seriously, people said Year One was trash (and it was) but this is absolute rubbish. I must warn you now reader, if you plan on seeing this film, you should know that I am going to spoil it for you in the hopes that you decide not to spend $8.50 for a ticket and see it.
My first complaint is about the fact that all through the movie, the editor was screwing with the viewers geographically. One minute, there is a fantastic robot battle happening in the middle of downtown, then its on a highway, and then it’s in the middle of the woods! All with in three and a half minutes of viewing. Pick a scene and stick with it you clowns. The geographical inconsistency continues as the movie moves from the Eastern seaboard (I think, it was never really cleared up where they were) to Egypt, (which takes 14 hours by Military aircraft, but only 15 seconds by giant automotronic (not a word) alien robot hyper booster boots.
In Egypt, an epic battle between a couple of bulldozers and what appears to be Simon Cowell in a brightly colored track suit or something next to the Red Sea. Oh, by the way, it also takes place at the exact same time 500 miles away at the great pyramids of Giza. Hey, remember, super robot rocket boots, it all makes absolute sense. I think that through out the entire film, Megan Fox says about two and a half sentences worth of actual dialog.
I will say this though, If I hadn’t already spent all my money on my new used Ford, I would have to buy a car made by General Motors. Because that was all that was really featured in the whole film, cars made by General Motors. Bubble-bee, Sam Witwicky’s personal liason guard robot, is a Chevrolet Camaro, and has two sidekicks in this new film that both appear to be next generation Chevy Aveos. And there is also a next generation Corvette, a couple of GMC trucks, and they totally kick the fender of this lame Audi R8 disguised Decipticon. Yeah, Audis are pretty lame, aren’t they (sarcastically chuckles)?
Look, the movie can be summed up by my description of the family that sat in front of me for the entire film. The dad was wearing a ratty t-shirt with cut-off jeans, Mom was at least 150 pounds overweight, they had 3 more kids than they really should have been allowed to have, one of which was a small boy who had a sleeveless shirt on in public and insisted on running to the bathroom every 8 minutes and clumsily hit me every single time. And don’t get me started with the 21 year old guy, his 16 year old girlfriend, and their two year old son who was bawling his eyes out because of the loud explosions on the screen. Some people aren’t meant to be parents.
So, here’s some friendly advice from you favorite Belgian blogger. Stay home and watch your clothes during the spin cycle in the washing machine. Trust me, it’s a better use of your time.
Gaining Focus: 2 Weeks with an American Car
Posted by Andrew | Filed under General
Oh, the irony. All those years I spent driving around in my mother’s little Volkswagen thinking I was better than anyone driving a Dodge, Chevy, or Ford. The only snub satisfaction I have left is that I am still better than those people driving Dodges. Two weeks ago, I officially signed my soul away for the next five years to a Credit Union and in exchange, took possession of a 2005 Ford Focus ZX4 ST. The only remaining question I have in my mind after this time is this: Why is Ford in so much Financial trouble?
This car was designed by Ford’s excellent German division originally meant for the European market. Volvo and Mazda both had hands in designing the chasis, engine, transmission, and so on. It’s acceleration on the highway is fantastic, granted, it is a Manual and I shift like a race car driver. It’s a comfortable ride, everything laid out in the interior nicely and there are cup holders that aren’t broken in it (big plus over the old car). It’s all that, and they are very reasonably priced when compared with the Honda Civic, Nissan Sentra, Toyota Carolla, and everything else that is Asian and has four wheels.
I bought it because in a little over a month, I will be moving to the Valleys of Utah. My parents decided that the little Volkswagen was too old, too weak, too feeble, to make the trek out into the American West. Which is probably true, 142,000 miles takes a lot out of a car. I learned how to drive a Manual in that little car, and I used it as my main car from 91,000 miles until now. It was the car I drove to High School, to Seminary, and then to commute to College. I will surely miss it.
I will miss it until I buy a drink at a gas station and put it in the cup holder of my new car. Yeah, it’s that luxurious.
The only problem is that it makes lots of bonging noises. It bongs when you open the door, it bongs when you leave the keys in the ignition, it bongs when you leave the headlights on, it bongs when you don’t put your seatbelt on, and so on and so on. The Germans apparently want their cars to be fairly reserved about things that don’t include pumping gas or refilling the windshield washer fluid (of which it would constantly badger you about until something was done).
A Letter Concerning Laie
Posted by Andrew | Filed under Mormon Fun Facts
There is a small town on the Hawaiian island of Oahu called Laie (pronounced Lay-ee) that is virtually owned entirely by the Mormon Church. This town is home to the Laie Temple and a Visitors Center, a place I visited in January while in Hawaii. This is a formal written complaint.
Dear Proprietor of the Laie Temple Visitors Center,
As a member of the Church (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I clarify to be sure that we are both on the same page through I doubt you had any doubts in your mind), I found my visit to be quite dissatisfying. Not to say that the facility is poorly maintained or that the lovely Senior Missionary couple were rude or unwelcoming. Everything in those regards were just fine.
I am aware that there is a lot of history behind both the Temple and the town of Laie, which most likely would not exist without the Church’s involvement. The Temple is the fifth oldest in the world, and the first one built outside of Utah. It practically represents the Church’s movement in the islands of the Pacific, one of great Missionary movements in the Church’s history.
And yet, I come to the Visitors Center, and it is entirely dedicated to Missionary work for the hear and now. No information about the history of the Temple, or the history of the town. No video presentations about the construction of the Temple, or the early members of the Church in Hawaii, or the early Sandwich Islands Mission. Nope, all you had was a pile of free Books of Mormon and various Church literature, a video presentation of members of the Quorum of the Twelve and First Presidency giving their testimonies, and so on.
My point is, the vast majority of the 100,000 people who visit the Center every year are probably already members of the Church. So, why the exclusive Missionary work? Why not give the people who are already members a lesson about the history of their Church and hose down the non believers in back?
Sincerely,
Andrew Davis, a ranting blogger.
Mommy! Leo said a Swear!
Posted by Andrew | Filed under New Media
If you have been paying attention to what has been happening in the TWiT-verse (not to be confused with the Twitter-verse, an any other verse for that matter), you will know that a certain naughty boy named Leo Laporte revealed his extensive vocabulary while on the Gillmor Gang last week. Apparently, Leo will no longer broadcast the Gang on TWiT Live, and good riddance too, if I wanted to listen to boring old men gassing, I would tune to NPR. Just kidding, as a white guy, I love NPR!
The problem all started when Mike Arrington accused Leo of having a positive review of the Palm Pre, a desperate attempt by Palm to stay relevant in today’s tech world, because Palm gave him a review unit for a week free of charge. Wow, I would totally kiss Palm’s butt if they LOANED me a phone FOR A WHOLE WEEK for FREE. Well, Leo, a man who is as soft as he is doughy, gave Arrington a piece of his mind by calling him, among other things “a troll.”
Finally, someone gave that self righteous, big headed, dirtbag what he had coming to him. Arrington, who’s biggest accomplishment was making $32 million off of the sale of a company that he had nothing to do with other than being the Founders best friend, is the founder and Editor of TechCrunch, which is one of several blogs covering Internet start-ups. OK, the guy did have one good idea, but he acts he is the second coming of Christ most of the time. John C. Dvorak summed him up well in his posting about the incident.
To sum up my thoughts about what happened, here it is. Way to go Leo, thanks for putting the dirtbag where he belongs. As for Mike Arrington, screw you. If you didn’t laugh at that last sentence, then you need to watch the video, and read more about the incident here.
20 Year Old Student Seeking Room in SLC.
Posted by Andrew | Filed under Internet Culture
Hi, my name is Andrew. I’m going to be starting as a new student at the University of Utah this August and I am looking for a place to live for the Fall semester.
I am not picky, quite the opposite, I just need my own space all to myself. A place where I can sleep and watch episodes of Dexter and Six Feet Under on Boxee on my computer in peace. A place where I can keep a mini fridge stuffed with Diet Coke and Chinese leftovers. I’m not going to make a mess in your kitchen, nor will I in your bathroom, and don’t expect me to walk around your living space naked. I lack that much self confidence and have that much shame.
No, I do not drink, I do not smoke, I do not do drugs. I don’t really care if you drink or smoke, but I do not want to live somewhere with drugs. I’m sorry, I’m not going to be carried away with a black bag over my head in the middle of the night by the DEA, never to be heard from again.
I am “gay friendly” so long as you are “Mormon friendly.” C’mon people, I know what you mean when you post the words “open minded” on the Salt Lake City Craigslist, you mean “no freaking Mormons.” I am as open minded and as liberal as they come, so if you are gay, don’t hand me a pamphlet about open sexuality and I won’t hand you a Book of Mormon.
No, I do not have a steady source of income, I don’t even live in Utah yet. Please understand that I must find a job upon moving so that I can afford the rent that you will be charging me. I have no problem giving you first and last months rent and paying the security deposit in exchange for you showing faith in me that I can pay the monthly cost. If I can’t, don’t worry. I have a perfectly good car that I can sleep in if it comes to that.
So, that is what I am looking for and I’m hoping that you are a good fit, I’m looking to move in by August 21st as classes begin the week after. Please feel free to email me your questions or interest.
P.S. I don’t have pets.