Transformers 2: The Perfect Movie
Posted by Andrew | Filed under Mainstream Media
…that is, if you are an idiot. Yes, if you hate writing, editing, dialog, continuity and can not get enough of explosions, things crashing into buildings, car chases, and things flying through the air going zoooom, Michael Bay is here to serve you. Seriously, people said Year One was trash (and it was) but this is absolute rubbish. I must warn you now reader, if you plan on seeing this film, you should know that I am going to spoil it for you in the hopes that you decide not to spend $8.50 for a ticket and see it.
My first complaint is about the fact that all through the movie, the editor was screwing with the viewers geographically. One minute, there is a fantastic robot battle happening in the middle of downtown, then its on a highway, and then it’s in the middle of the woods! All with in three and a half minutes of viewing. Pick a scene and stick with it you clowns. The geographical inconsistency continues as the movie moves from the Eastern seaboard (I think, it was never really cleared up where they were) to Egypt, (which takes 14 hours by Military aircraft, but only 15 seconds by giant automotronic (not a word) alien robot hyper booster boots.
In Egypt, an epic battle between a couple of bulldozers and what appears to be Simon Cowell in a brightly colored track suit or something next to the Red Sea. Oh, by the way, it also takes place at the exact same time 500 miles away at the great pyramids of Giza. Hey, remember, super robot rocket boots, it all makes absolute sense. I think that through out the entire film, Megan Fox says about two and a half sentences worth of actual dialog.
I will say this though, If I hadn’t already spent all my money on my new used Ford, I would have to buy a car made by General Motors. Because that was all that was really featured in the whole film, cars made by General Motors. Bubble-bee, Sam Witwicky’s personal liason guard robot, is a Chevrolet Camaro, and has two sidekicks in this new film that both appear to be next generation Chevy Aveos. And there is also a next generation Corvette, a couple of GMC trucks, and they totally kick the fender of this lame Audi R8 disguised Decipticon. Yeah, Audis are pretty lame, aren’t they (sarcastically chuckles)?
Look, the movie can be summed up by my description of the family that sat in front of me for the entire film. The dad was wearing a ratty t-shirt with cut-off jeans, Mom was at least 150 pounds overweight, they had 3 more kids than they really should have been allowed to have, one of which was a small boy who had a sleeveless shirt on in public and insisted on running to the bathroom every 8 minutes and clumsily hit me every single time. And don’t get me started with the 21 year old guy, his 16 year old girlfriend, and their two year old son who was bawling his eyes out because of the loud explosions on the screen. Some people aren’t meant to be parents.
So, here’s some friendly advice from you favorite Belgian blogger. Stay home and watch your clothes during the spin cycle in the washing machine. Trust me, it’s a better use of your time.
One Response to “Transformers 2: The Perfect Movie”
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Body Detox Diets- Says:
July 1st, 2009 at 10:01-I watched the Transformers cartoon version during my childhood days. It is nice to know that good computer graphics brought the Transformers back again. I wish to see more of the Dinobots in action perhaps on another sequel-