Thanks for taking the Parliamentary system of our British parents and transforming it into a Democracy that allows us to choose our leaders. Thank you for guaranteeing the right to vote to all people and extending that right to African Americans, Women, and any citizen who wishes to vote. Thank you for being the model that would be the base for new Governments in France, Germany, and all around the world, even in Iran.

Yes, Iran, that backwards place with the crazy neo-Nazi looney tune as a President? I can pronounce his name, can you? You see, he was elected by a popular vote, and was unfortunately re-elected by a popular vote just recently. The re-election made quite a number of people in the cities of Tehran and Masshad quite upset, and caused riots and protests through out the country. Unfortunately, it would appear that the more conservative people in the rural farmlands are quite happy with the current government.

But, no one in America was paying attention, because apparently we are more concerned with the death of Michael Jackson. And, anyway you look at it, he was a child rapist, I don’t care what you think. Because, in America, we only care about things happening here, things that concern us. As far as we are concerned, Ahmadinejad is a tyrant equal to Kim Jong-Il and the now fallen Saddam Hussien. Because clearly, no country in the Middle East has democracy unless it is packaged and supplied by the United States.

That is a picture of the skyline of Tehran that I got from it’s Wikipedia article, it features high rises and modern buildings. Tehran is also home to the Milad Tower, which is like an Iranian Space Needle or CN Tower. They also have the Azadi Tower (Azadi means “Freedom” in Persian by the way), a number of Colleges and Universities, the world’s fourth largest Stadium, and they even have a ski resort. Think of it like a Middle Eastern Aspen if you will.

They are in almost every way just like us, and we don’t seem to care about them. They are a modern democracy and the most developed country in the region. And yet, people claim they are a part of the access of evil and to be in the same league as the North Koreans and al Quaeda. It is time to stop beating the war drum against these people, these human beings, who have rights, who are intelligent, and who are citizens of the world that we share.

My first complaint is about the fact that all through the movie, the editor was screwing with the viewers geographically. One minute, there is a fantastic robot battle happening in the middle of downtown, then its on a highway, and then it’s in the middle of the woods! All with in three and a half minutes of viewing. Pick a scene and stick with it you clowns. The geographical inconsistency continues as the movie moves from the Eastern seaboard (I think, it was never really cleared up where they were) to Egypt, (which takes 14 hours by Military aircraft, but only 15 seconds by giant automotronic (not a word) alien robot hyper booster boots.

In Egypt, an epic battle between a couple of bulldozers and what appears to be Simon Cowell in a brightly colored track suit or something next to the Red Sea. Oh, by the way, it also takes place at the exact same time 500 miles away at the great pyramids of Giza. Hey, remember, super robot rocket boots, it all makes absolute sense. I think that through out the entire film, Megan Fox says about two and a half sentences worth of actual dialog.

I will say this though, If I hadn’t already spent all my money on my new used Ford, I would have to buy a car made by General Motors. Because that was all that was really featured in the whole film, cars made by General Motors. Bubble-bee, Sam Witwicky’s personal liason guard robot, is a Chevrolet Camaro, and has two sidekicks in this new film that both appear to be next generation Chevy Aveos. And there is also a next generation Corvette, a couple of GMC trucks, and they totally kick the fender of this lame Audi R8 disguised Decipticon. Yeah, Audis are pretty lame, aren’t they (sarcastically chuckles)?

Look, the movie can be summed up by my description of the family that sat in front of me for the entire film. The dad was wearing a ratty t-shirt with cut-off jeans, Mom was at least 150 pounds overweight, they had 3 more kids than they really should have been allowed to have, one of which was a small boy who had a sleeveless shirt on in public and insisted on running to the bathroom every 8 minutes and clumsily hit me every single time. And don’t get me started with the 21 year old guy, his 16 year old girlfriend, and their two year old son who was bawling his eyes out because of the loud explosions on the screen. Some people aren’t meant to be parents.

So, here’s some friendly advice from you favorite Belgian blogger. Stay home and watch your clothes during the spin cycle in the washing machine. Trust me, it’s a better use of your time.

He says that the best part about American television news is the fact that everyone is attractive, which certainly is true. That is, as long as you don’t count Ann Coulter, who like Brooker, isn’t a reporter or a journalist, she’s a political commentator. And yet, she was hired by MSNBC and shows up constantly on Fox News. Why is it that these networks are always hiring people who are clearly biased and not afraid to show it? Brooker’s piece mentions Keith Olbermann who hosts a show called “Countdown with Keith Olbermann.” It started back in 2003, and up until the end of his Presidency, was dedicated to yelling at George W. Bush. As the Brooker piece pointed out, he liked calling Bush a “fascist.”

But, who can forget to mention Fox News when it comes to reporting opinion as fact? Let’s take a fair and balanced look at the kind of people they parade around as television news reporters. Who could forget Bill O’Reilly? The man who believes that if he says it, it’s true. But that’s another issue for another time. The main point Brooker makes is that Bill O’Reilly acts like a child, as evidenced by this video, which if you haven’t seen it yet, watch it. And then watch this awesome parody of “The O’Reilly Factor.”

That’s another thing, what is it with the egos of these people that they need the show name to have their name in it? “Countdown with Keith Olbermann,” “The O’Reilly Factor,” “The Rachel Maddow Show,” whatever. This isn’t “Duo Citizenship with Andrew Davis” and I still take all the credit for the rubbish I write here. That’s what the Colbert Report on Comedy Central is all about. Have you ever noticed that Stephen Colbert’s desk is a giant “C”? And what about the transition into the interview at the last segment of the show?

And who could forget my favorite television personality, Glenn Beck? Whom, Brooker said is insane. By the way, Glenn Beck’s new program on Fox News is called, get this, “Glenn Beck.” Wow, creative and not in the least bit egotistical. You should watch the piece for yourself, it’s pretty funny to say the least.

No, according to the media, we are much more interested in the latest Obama faux pas which was bowing to King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. My question is, why wouldn’t you bow to a King? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? In many cultures, it is customary to bow to one another as a sign of respect for the other individual, especially when you are meeting to conduct any sort of business. Last time I checked, most Americans weren’t aware of any culture other than their own, so, who are we to say that it was the wrong move? (via dvorak.org/blog)

And why are we so obsessed with Michele Obama now? Oh well, it seems that Lindsay Lohan has cleaned up her act, and Miley Cyrus isn’t up to anything yet, and let’s face it, we beat Britney Spears straight. Who are we going to torment with our constant media blitz? Clearly Michelle Obama deserves all the criticism in the world, she actually hugged the Queen of England! But man, does she have style and her arms are spectacular.

Why do all of these so called “News Organizations” do this? This constant peddling of worthless information is what has caused people in this country and many others around the world to become, for lack of a better term, dumb. I don’t care about the Obama’s search for a new dog, I’m more concerned about his search for a Secretary of Commerce. As long as the dog isn’t influencing policy, it doesn’t really matter. What I am asking people out there in the world to do is take note of stories like this about our President and First Lady, and ask yourself, does this matter and is this important? If the answer is no, then you should find somewhere else to get your news.

So, I have one question. How could we know where this prick lives and no one whacked him off? Come on people! I know that as a culture, we don’t agree on much and we’re pretty disorganized, but I would think we could have pulled that off. Oh wait, if you continue reading the article, it is revealed that he only lives there 15 days in an entire year, preferring to live somewhere in Florida. So, he technically doesn’t even live in New York? Why do we care then?

Limbaugh dais he’s considering moving his radio operation down to Texas, because all fat men go to Texas. He’ll be in good company too, I hear that many stupid Republican leaders choose Texas as their place of residence. I like the idea of the “Dittocam” having the same broken down wooden shed and bail of hay in the background behing a barbed wire fence made out of branches. Hey, he could add a aluminum trailer and a confederate flag as well, and wear a flannel shirt and ten gallon hat. He’ll fit in perfectly.

Seriously, when you make $33 million a year, what does it matter if they raise taxes? I was unaware that oxycodone and hydrocodone were so expensive. And those cigars must run up a heavy tab. Oh yeah, not to mention the medical bills to treat your Pilonidal cyst, your oncoming lung disease from smoking those cigars, and your heart problems from weighing at least 400 pounds. By the way, you deserve every medical bill you receive for being a moron and opposing universal healthcare.

I’m serious, it’s all right here on Entertainment Weekly’s web site, so it must be true. Entertainment Weekly doesn’t print slander or gossip or rumors, right? So, it is clear what is going on, Glenn Beck is claiming that our President, Barack Obama, is appealing to 12 year old pre-pubescent girls. No wonder Sasha and Mailia have so many friends, they all got the hots for their dad.

No, seriously, what’s next? The Republicans in congress turn out to be a family of Indian werewolves? I hear they have a treaty that the National Mall is a neutral territory. Listen Glenn, the President is not a “blood sucking vampire” as you stated on your show while showing off your cut and paste job movie poster. Clearly, Obama is just a pinko-commie secret muslim. Calling him a blood sucking vampire is just slanderous.

Another issue I see is that Glenn Beck and Stephenie Meyer, the author of Twilight, are both Mormons. And I know a thing or two about Mormons, they hold grudges against one another. I would love to see the two biggest media titans in the Church start feuding with one another. Especially if Meyer turns out to be a liberal, although unlikely, she wrote an entire young adults book series about abstinence (whoops, did I just give away the entire premise of the books?). I want Meyer to call Beck out on her website. That would be awesome.