The War on Tourism: My TSA Horror Story: Part 2
Posted by Andrew | Filed under War on Tourism
If you are new here, be sure to read Part 1 of my TSA horror story, and please comment if you like the story!
So, I’ve come to that pinnacle point where I have removed my jacket, my belt, and got my laptop out of my bag and into one of their trays. Luckily, I didn’t have any liquids, I’ll gladly pay $10 for a Diet Coke from the Hudson News on the other side of the security perimeter, not to deal with the needless requirements for bringing liquids through.
Now, when I took my laptop (which is a 15″ MacBook Pro), I put the sleeve that I carry it it down in the tray, and put the laptop on top of it. Let’s face it, those trays are dirty and gross, people put there shoes in them for crying out loud. And my laptop is all nice and shiny, I don’t want it to get scratched or dirty. Well, apparently, its against TSA regulation to have anything else in the tray with your laptop.
Which is why the butch lady, who was the size of a small van, approached me and asked if it was my laptop. I responded with an uninterested “yes.” Upon confirmation that I was the horrid offender of the rules which are not clearly defined or posted, she proceeded to yank the sleeve out from under the laptop. I watched in horror as my laptop, which I payed $2300 for, crashed down and rattled about in the bottom of the tray.
Oh, but the total lack of respect of my personal property did not end there. In the course of doing eight different things at the same time, I naturally forgot to remove my cell phone from my pocket, which means the metal detector went off. I handed my cell phone to the TSA guy who was guiding people through the metal detector. He casually dropped the thing into a tray from a height of about a foot and I watched as the back busted open and the battery fell out. Thank goodness it was only a RAZR and not something that I would actually care about.
But the worst part of any airport security process is right after you get through the metal detector. First, you have to gather your bag and other possessions, which have been left out on a conveyer belt thing for anyone to go through (Hey look! An iPod!). This includes putting your belt and your jacket, and your shoes back on. But, of course, they don’t provide a place for you to sit down and gather yourself.
The worst part was, they sent butch lady to yell at me for taking my time in gathering my stuff.
The War on Tourism: My TSA Horror Story, Part 1
Posted by Andrew | Filed under War on Tourism
The War on Tourism is real. Despite the best efforts of the United States government, there are still people who wish to travel to destinations domestic and foreign. Here, I cover the valiant efforts of the Transportation Security Agency and Border Patrol in there battle against this foe.
Last May, I flew from Boston’s Logan International Airport to Brussels, Belgium to visit my grandparents for two weeks. Let me just say that I love to fly, I love to travel in general. But, I absolutely hate dealing with security at the airport. This is the way I see things. There’s humans, and then there’s chimps and other monkeys, and then there are TSA personnel right after dogs with rabies.
So, I always have low expectations when I’m going into security at the airport. But, this experience was just unacceptable. It all starts when you give the first guy your ID (in this case, my U.S. Passport) and your boarding pass. It always takes them 4 tries to match the picture to your face, something that a 3 month old child could do flawlessly. And why do they scribble on my boarding pass? Is there a reason for that besides the fact that for some reason someone gave them a pen and they are just making sure that it still works?
Then you get to the part where you have to take your shoes and your belt off, and take all of the metal, like your keys and the change your carrying, out of your pocket. Oh, and don’t forget to take your cell phone or any other electronics in your pockets out too. Make sure that you get your laptop out of your bag and into a tray, and all of the liquids you are carrying into a small plastic baggie in precise measurements. Did I mention you have to do all of this at once? So, you better grow a couple of extra arms before you fly.
What makes this process worse is the butch lady with the badge yelling at everyone to hurry up. It’s done in a fashion that makes it seem like the metal detector should say “Work will set you free” over it. Is it just me, or does that eagle on the Department of Homeland Security seal look awfully German?
Adam Curry once said that the best response to a TSA…person, I guess…yelling at you is to yell back at them. Is it just me, or does that sound like the worst idea in the world? I’m pretty sure if you were to yell at them, you would miss your flight. Little did I know that overpowered government officials yelling at me would be the least of my problems.
More of this story to come…